I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
