Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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