it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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