And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
