Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
