my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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