u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
