Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
