Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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