so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
