hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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