Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
