I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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