At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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