i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
