Whod you bang
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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