All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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