what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i believe in u and ur pee
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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