Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
