We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
