Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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