When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
