i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Panties = found
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