Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
