he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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