Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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