someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
