she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
