Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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