What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
