i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
