i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
