Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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