I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
