I love black thongs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
