Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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