Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My dick has a subreddit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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