And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
