Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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