Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
