lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
