Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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