I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
