There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
