genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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