watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
