Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
