I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
