Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
