I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
