What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
